"Am I being too sensitive?" This is a question commonly asked in the ADHD community - and something I have asked myself numerous times over the years being neurodivergent and all.
I recently came across this question and wanted to answer it here:
"I'm a 24-year-old male with ADHD. Something that crossed my mind the other day is how sensitive people with ADHD can be. Thinking back to school, I can recall many times where I was fully in tears, or on the edge of tears - many times because I wasn't paying attention and got scolded by a teacher. Anyone else have an experience like this?"
My answer is very clear: No, you are not too sensitive.
And here I actually encourage you to reflect on this. If we are to believe we are "too sensitive" - according to who? Do we have a scale of what's an accepted emotional reaction? Do we have some kind of manual or guidelines that says this is too sensitive or an overreaction, and this isn't? We do not.
So how come suddenly we are "too sensitive"? What if the opposite is true - that the world is just too callous? Emotions are afterall subjective.
There is nothing wrong with you
Another thing I really dislike about the word "sensitive" is that at this point, it's not a neutral word. It has an undercurrent that implies there's something wrong with you. So no, I do not agree that we are too sensitive - because there is nothing wrong with you. ADHD is a neurobiological difference, not a character flaw.
Using the above as an example - he talks about being on the verge of tears or even crying over "small things," many times because he wasn't paying attention and got scolded.
Being scolded, to me, implies the teacher was probably a bit angry, snappy - with no empathy or kindness. Who wouldn't be upset if someone spoke to you that way now as an adult? Would you tolerate it in the workplace? Because getting snapped at frequently by your manager is not a small thing to ignore.
And in particular, if we take this in the context of a small child (ADHD or not), children’s brains aren’t haven't fully developed and in turn their ability to regulate emotions effectively. Which means what they need most is the big people in their lives to help them co-regulate their emotions.
Scolding has an opposite effect. So in this example, I cannot say this person was being overly sensitive. If anything their emotions were probably trying to communicate that they don’t like being spoken to that way.
Please note this is not a dig at teachers or anyone else for getting frustrated or snapping. We are all human and anger is a part of that, but let’s leave discussing anger and any behaviour in response to that anger for another day.
ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation
Emotional regulation is a constant struggle for many neurodivergent people with ADHD. Emotional dysregulation actually used to be in the diagnostics manual for ADHD, but has since been removed because emotions are so difficult to measure. The struggles, however, are still very much there for neurodivergent individuals.
But just because it's harder for people with ADHD to regulate emotions, it doesn't mean we are "too sensitive." We simply feel more. That's it. How about we stop using sensitivity as a (negative) label.
Your Emotions Can Be Your Guides
Just because we feel more doesn't mean our emotions are wrong. Emotions can be our guides instead. This doesn’t mean we start acting out on all emotions we feel and some discernment MUST be applied.
For example if you’re feeling super excited about a new lamborghini it doesn’t mean you go buy it - especially if you can’t afford it. Or if your partner turns round and says the dinner you cooked was burnt and it upsets you, so you decide to break up with them. So discernment has to be applied before you act out on your emotions, especially if you have ADHD and struggle with impulse control.
But when someone tells you that you're "too sensitive," it's dismissive - and it can even be a form of gaslighting. Also, If you start to see yourself as "too sensitive," you may begin to overlook things that genuinely don't serve you, simply because you've been taught to distrust your own feelings.
When something feels off, or you find yourself getting upset, don't jump to the conclusion that you're overreacting - and don't believe people who tell you that you are. Decide for yourself instead or get support from a therapist to navigate your emotions.
So, Are You Too Sensitive?
No. No. No - and again, no.
Sensitivity in our culture is so often framed as a flaw, our fault and something to apologise for and fix. But the real question isn't "why am I so sensitive?" - it's "are my emotions trying to tell me something?"
So if you find yourself experiencing intense emotions that often feel disproportionate to what's happening, to start with reflect. Ask yourself: do I have a lot on my plate right now and simply don't have the capacity to deal with anything else? In that case self care and reducing stress is key.
Or is this touching a deeper wound? Something from the past that you’ve yet not let go? Maybe it might be both.
Look, while ADHD can make us appear "too sensitive" and make emotional regulation more challenging, it doesn't mean there's nothing we can do about it. You don’t have to be at the whim of your emotions.
Therapy can be incredibly useful to help understanding your emotions, reducing stress and developing skills to learn how to manage even the trickiest of emotions like guilt and anger. Yes I may be biased since I’m a therapist myself, but honestly it’s the best thing I’ve done for my happiness and quality of life.
So remember - you're not too sensitive. You may just feel more, both good and bad.
About the Author
Hi, I'm Anete - therapist who rocks ADHD brain.
I support adults with ADHD to regulate their emotional reactions like RSD, Anger, Anxiety or Overwhelm.
If you're looking for help to manage your emotions, please book a free 15-minute consultation (CLICK HERE).
Here's to a Happier You!
