Have you ever said or done something and later deeply regretted it? But in the moment you just couldn't stop yourself, even if part of you desperately wanted to?
This is called emotional hijacking - a term coined by Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence (a fantastic book by the way, but it can be a tough read so the audiobook may be a better option!).
Daniel explained that emotional hijacking happens when the primitive part of the brain takes over, making all reason and logic flee. Though he demonstrated this through examples of people in very unusual and sometimes dangerous situations.
So how come everyday things - like unclear policies at work, kids constantly calling for help, or a spouse who isn't listening - can sometimes cause such intense emotions for those with ADHD? That anger bubbling up and wanting to spill out through shouting, punching, or even thoughts of quitting your job or leaving your partner?
With ADHD, it's not that simple to just regulate emotions. Just like it's not that simple to just go for a shower, turn up on time, or remember to reply to messages - never mind birthdays. That's why it's considered a disability.
How the ADHD Brain Handles Emotions
It's believed that certain parts of the brain, like the amygdala, are responsible for emotional regulation. In ADHD, the prefrontal cortex (which governs logic and impulse control) has impaired connectivity to these areas, weakening the brain's ability to regulate emotional responses. Research suggests that these areas may differ in size and communication in ADHD brains.
All of this leads to being set off more easily by seemingly mundane things. So if you struggle with managing your emotions - particularly anger - it's actually a very normal part of having ADHD.
This is from a biological standpoint, and one reason why many individuals who get medicated report improvements in emotional regulation and reduced anger. But anger is also an emotion in and of itself that people experience regardless of neurodivergence.
What Anger Really Is
Anger is a sign that our nervous system has detected a real or perceived threat. It's part of the fight-or-flight response you may have already heard of. Our nervous system works all the time, has its own neuroception, and its primary purpose is to keep you safe.
While anger is actually a healthy sign the nervous system is doing its job - the intensity of anger for people with ADHD can and often is debilitating, leading to a negative impact on quality of life, career opportunities or relationships.
The Silver Lining
Aside from neurodevelopment and biology, there are other factors that also influence the level of anger we experience. These are:
- Environment
- Stress
- Diet
- Alcohol & substance use
- Past experiences, and
- Mindset.
Unlike our neurodevelopment and biology, these are things we most certainly have more control over.
Let's have a look at these factors in more detail, so you can start taking charge of your anger despite having ADHD.
6 Factors That Influence Anger
1. Environment
Loud noises, mess in your room and even scent can make managing anger harder.
When we are exposed to external stimuli and one of our senses picks it up - like seeing bright lights - that information is relayed back to the parts of our brain responsible for emotional regulation, where it is assessed for its level of threat (this is in very simple terms to help you understand, and definitely not a scientific explanation).
As already mentioned, there are physical differences in the ADHD brain, meaning the tolerance for external stimuli is lower than in a neurotypical person. The ADHD brain may also misinterpret that information altogether, flagging something as a threat when it's not. So the nervous system says "let's fight this - we must keep you safe" - and that anger gets directed at whatever or whoever is nearby.
This is why the environment matters for ADHD - not only for productivity, but for managing emotions including that anger.
2. Stress Levels
We're more stressed than ever in our history. And stress is going nowhere - with social media, tight deadlines and rush hour traffic, it's simply part of modern life.
Feeling stressed is a sign of the nervous system responding to internal or external pressures. If you're on edge and running around like crazy all day - ADHD or not - that nervous system is in high gear, treating that 5pm deadline as seriously as a lion chasing you.
Then is it really a surprise that after a stressful day, week or even months, the system simply has no more capacity to put out any more fires? Leading you to snap at seemingly little things, shouting "I just want to be left alone", or storming away and slamming doors?
This is just one way the nervous system tries to keep you safe in the moment.
3. Food
Do you remember the Snickers advert - 'You're not yourself. Have a Snickers'?
Well 'hangry' is a real thing. Not eating when we're hungry signals to the nervous system that food - which we need to survive - is scarce. Your life is in danger.
This leads to the nervous system mobilising aka getting into fight or flight state, so we can go and get that food. Sadly, the nervous system doesn't know that food is just a mobile order away or short walk/drive to the shops.
Unfortunately, it can also be common for people with ADHD to forget to eat, which then exacerbates ADHD symptoms turning into a vicious cycle. Food is paramount to keep the anger in check and lucky for you there are things that can be done about eating regularly.
4. Alcohol and Other Substances
Substances may initially numb things and feel good, but they eventually mess with everything in your body, further impairing your ability to regulate emotions. Alcohol in particular very often promotes hostile and aggressive behaviour.
I get it - quitting even just that one glass a day or bottle on the weekend is easier said than done. What I've learned along the way though is that addiction is more often than not a mental health issue.
Yes, even if you can't go without your daily glass or weekend bottle, it's a sign of reliance and would benefit from addressing the cause and most importantly replacing it with something more healthy. Please know this is nothing to be embarrassed about - because substance use is often a way to cope with trauma, emotions and de-stress. Those with ADHD are more at risk to turn to alcohol to soothe themselves.
5. Past Experiences
Break ups, moving school, losing jobs and lost friendships, maybe even some trauma - such events can leave a lasting impact on today.
Our reactions to current situations can be influenced by our past. While we can't change the past, we can choose how we respond now. Here's a hypothetical example.
Let's say your child isn't listening to you, so you go off on one. Upon reflection, you realise it was a completely blown-up reaction to what actually happened. Your son didn't genuinely hear you, instead of ignoring you.
But this small interaction was a trigger, because at work you are overlooked and people constantly talk over you.
Now the nervous system associates "not listening" with being ignored, dismissed, and feeling like you don't matter. Of course the nervous system gets angry and wants you to get loud - so that you are finally noticed.
Thankfully, there are ways to change the way you react to certain situations and triggers, so the past no longer has a negative influence on your today.
6. Mindset (Thoughts and Beliefs)
This is probably the trickiest and most controversial one. I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't agree with me fully - or even in part - and that's fine. But here it goes.
It's very often ingrained in our society and families how to behave and act. Anger is one of such behaviours.
Road rage is a great example. Someone cuts you off and suddenly you are furious - hands on the horn, maybe shouting. I'm not excusing that person's behaviour, but there's a high probability they made a mistake.
The story we tell ourselves - "that idiot doesn't know how to drive" - is what can really fuel the rage. Yeah, you have a right to be annoyed for being cut off. But those thoughts can turn irritation into rage, making it harder to calm down.
Is it really worth it to raise your blood pressure and ruin your mood the rest of the day for some random person on the road that you probably won't see ever again? I personally think not.
What's Next?
You made it this far - well done! And even if you skipped some parts - that's fine too.
This post was about exploring the why - the link between anger and ADHD, as well as the other factors that influence it. Awareness is an important first step to making things better.
I thought about including what you can do here - don't skip breakfast, tidy up your space, etc - but that would be no good to you. ADHD after all is mostly about having issues with doing, not knowing.
So next time I'll not only tell you what you can do to manage your anger covering all the factors mentioned so far, but also tips on how to actually do it - the ADHD way - for better success.
About the Author
Hi, I'm Anete - therapist who rocks ADHD brain.
I support adults with ADHD to regulate their emotional reactions like RSD, Anger, Anxiety or Overwhelm.
If you're looking for help to manage your emotions, please book a free 15-minute consultation (CLICK HERE).
Here's to a Happier You!
